page one

Started a new project. Here's page 1. Page 2 belongs to Fallon which means that this little book shall now be shipped to Omaha.

pray

I've been singing/humming this song for the past few days. While it's a great and very catchy song, I can't help but wonder if it's stuck on my mind for a reason. Seems as if it's a reminder to pray, to pray for hurting people, to pray for families who are broken, to pray for hope and for peace...

road trip!

Last weekend I drove to Omaha, Nebraska. Yes, road trip by myself! 8 hours (according to mapquest which was WRONG) of driving with just me and the big open road. I created some new playlists, downloaded an awesome audio book and the journey had begun.

I took some pictures along the way.

My first stop was in Dixon, Illinois. I barely made it to Dixon. I had 1/4 tank of gas and figured I'd pull over at the next stop. Oops...that next stop was REALLY far away. And then there was Dixon. Thank you Jesus!

I stopped at the BP gas station which was on this street. (see picture below) Hmm...weird? I asked the attendant "What's in Dixon? What's cool about Dixon, Illinois?" She looked at me as if that was the dumbest question she had ever been asked. After a moment she answered "What's in Dixon? Well, drunk people I guess." And then she said "Oh wait, Dixon is the childhood home of President Ronald Reagan." Cool. Made me smile, and NOT want to move to Dixon. I mean, it's cool that Pres. Reagan lived there but it wasn't an impressive place.




A while later I came upon the Word's Largest Truckstop. COOL COOL! I still had 1/2 tank of gas but I just HAD to stop. It was a pretty fancy place, like a trucker's heaven on earth! Look at the sign, they even have a dog wash. It was called "The Dogomatic Dog Wash".

For me, I just used their nice bathrooms.




Look at all the stuff they have!!! Good grief, it's like a little town! In fact, it's probably the coolest place in town. I bet all the Iowans in the area go there for their own weekend entertainment.

The whole bottom level was full of fancy schmancy stuff to pimp up your semi.

Back on the road. Ya know...Iowa was pretty boring. As you can see ahead of my car, (see picture below) and then if you look in the mirror...there's nothing to look at it...nothin'. Just road, snow, and trucks.

Well, that reminds me! I made up a little game. There were so many trucks pulling strange objects on their trailers. I couldn't help but wonder "What's that???" So I let my imagination run and tried to come up with the object and purpose of everything I saw. Haha...sound lame? Hey, I was entertained!

I didn't have to guess what kinda of object this truck was towing. But LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THOSE THINGS!!! Those are the biggest tires I have ever seen...in my entire life! And that's 25 years of seeing tires!!!

Here's a close up of those tires. I couldn't even come up with a purpose for those tires? you could put a big house on those wheels! You could...well....they are HUGE!

Why was I going to Omaha, Nebraska?

Well, besides the fact that it's the land of corn AND the world's largest porch swing...

I was going to see my friend Fallon! I met Fallon while I was living at L'Abri in Switzerland.

We left the mountain in December of '05 so it was high time for a visit!

I had such a great time. She just moved there so we discovered pieces of Omaha together. We visited the Old Market, we went to this awesome craft/hobby shop called Mangelsons, we visited a new church, and most of all we sat around and talked, drank coffee, talked some more, did some baking and cooking, talked some more... It was just perfect!

We made pizza for dinner. It was GOOD! I remember at L'Abri I was always asking Fallon to help me in the kitchen. She had this ability to make EVERYTHING look and taste perfect. She was a great comfort to have around when I was making Sunday morning breakfasts. Cooking for 30 people is a lot of pressure, but there's no need to worry when she's there to help!

Fallon's friendship means so much to me. She is one of my most creative friends. We write letters back and forth and our letters are always spiffed up. Some of them are artistic masterpieces! I really enjoy this connection with her.

But even more, Fallon has a heart that is full of love. She prays for me (and I for her) and she reminds me to keep my heart in the right place--that would be with Christ alone. Even over the distance, we seem to always be working through similar life experiences. It's nice to have a friend to share this life with, and someone who shares the same values.

L'Abri friends share a common heart beat. There's something incredibly beautiful about the long lasting friendships that are formed at L'Abri. I'm so thankful.

Thanks Fallon, for your hospitality and for your friendship. I'm so glad I was able to visit you. I had a great time!
Love you!

things i learn from my oatmeal

There are no trees on the continent of Antarctica.

The Sahara Desert in Africa is as big as the entire United States of America.

The Blue Whale is the loudest animal, and also the biggest!

And I spent $20,000 a year on college? What was I thinking? I should just eat more oatmeal!

umm...okay...???

I just had a strange experience.

They recently installed automatic flushers on the toilets here at work.

I used the stall at the very end of the row. I flushed, then I walked down the aisle toward the sinks and all of the toilets flushed in a domino effect as I passed them.

Weird.

it's been a while since i've posted my deeper thoughts

I've been doing a lot of fighting within my soul. I've been wrestling with my ideals. I've been resentful lately of past aches and disappointments. I have an ongoing aversion to the church, but I can't seem to disconnect my heart from it. And I don't want to disconnect my heart from it, I want to resolve my frustrations!
This is nothing new for me, it is the skin that I wear, it is my naked humanity these days.

I posted a quote yesterday that said "If there were such a thing as a perfect church, they certainly wouldn't want me there." Isn't this the truth?! I am so far away from perfection that I can't even see mediocrity in myself right now. How can I be so critical when I'm flailing my own arms in imbalance?

I missed church this past Sunday. I overslept. I had made a commitment to help out before service and I failed. Sometimes I sit through service and I never even hear one word that is spoken. Instead I spend my time journaling. Sometimes I go to church and I just sit out in the lobby and drink coffee and talk to people. I'm not always very reliable in my commitments, and I don't always make church stuff a priority. I have not done a very good job in cultivating relationships there either. I have definitely failed in being a friend to many of the people there. I don't always take time to make new guests feel welcome. I wish I was better at that.

Here I have spat out just a few of my failures. These are not traits and attitudes of which I am proud. In fact, I think I am so disappointed in myself that I feel like I have to make up some sort of excuse to soothe my guilt.

I carry this weight of self deprecation so much that it's all I can see at times. And you know what? I LOVE my church! I love it so much. It is my best family, my best group of friends here in Milwaukee. My eyes fill with tears sometimes when I think about it.

And you know what else? They love me too. Even though I am SO FAR away from the good and reliable family member, they still want me there, they still miss me, they still think I have something to offer. I don't know what it is that I offer; I don't know how that is possible.

But they really love me.

I have been thinking upon this for the past few days. Do you know that my guilt works so hard at trying to convince everyone else that I'm worthless? So what if I fail?! I am the only one who is expecting perfection of myself.

I'm so caught up in this struggle to be perfect that I can't even allow other people love me or accept me. I show up to church sometimes and it's like my guilt is just begging to be rejected. "Reject me please!!! I just can't sit with this imperfection, I'm so sorry that I can't live up to your needs and expectations..." That's what my guilt feels like as it is screaming. It's so foolish of me. I have a family that loves me, a family that can see beauty in me, and a family that can help me become a better person. Why can't I just accept myself and hold the hands of the people who care?

I am so tired of feeling guilty. I am so tired of fighting. I want to be a better person.

I know that some people from Mercy Hill read my blog. You have to know that your kindness and love has been an unbelievable source of hope for me. I am so amazed that I get to be a part of such a fantastic family even though I don't deserve it.

a thought for today

...from one of my favorite blogs One for the road.

"If there were such a thing as a perfect church, they certainly wouldn't want me there."

good morning monday

I almost missed my bus this morning. I catch the bus right in front of Einstein Bagels. I was inside getting coffee and the bus arrived outside. Crap! I was stuck in my money transaction and wasn't able to break free. I figured I'd just walk back home and take my car to work.
When I walked outside I noticed the bus was still sitting there and the driver was getting out. She was stopping for her breakfast. Are they even supposed to do that?
I had plenty of time then to pull out my ipod, grab my bus ticket and breathe in a little more morning air while rocking out to some Feist.
My Monday has started off well which is a relief. Yesterday was a 24-hour headache!

don't judge me!

You know it's time to clean your room when your cat finds the piles of clothes on the floor more cozy than your bed.

My room usually doesn't get this dirty, and in fact it is clean now. It has been a busy week.

I have been singing this song ALL DAY!!!

let it snow let it snow more more MORE

It has been snowing all day. I decided to walk to the grocery store tonight so I bundled up and brought my camera along. Here are a few pictures I took along the way:

gallery night in milwaukee

Last Friday was Gallery Night in Milwaukee. It is a quarterly event where all of the art galleries and art schools in the city host an open house. It is my favorite Milwaukee event! Our church Mercy Hill also functions as an art gallery. We call it the Mercy Hill Gallery. This Friday was our second time participating in the Gallery Night festivities. We hosted two fantastic local artists Marie Scott and Shelly Rosenquist. I LOVE their work, so bright and colorful and inspiring.

The first two pictures are the work of Shelly Rosenquist and the latter two are from the brush of Marie Scott.

We also featured the music of three bands from Minnesota. The pictures here are the band Cedar Avenue. They are very good and I encourage you to listen to their music.

It was a great night, a great celebration of the arts.

Just one more reason why I am thankful for Mercy Hill Church.

skating our hearts out

Tonight we went skating downtown at Red Arrow Park. I've been wanting to skate all winter but I've been so busy. Tonight was a perfect night.



You should have seen, we were amazing. I'm thinking we have some skill that we should develop. When we let loose and started creating interpretive dances, people were so amazed that they stopped to watch us. I'm sure it was because of our astounding talent and grace!

Ta-da!


That's Katie, my roommate!


And then there was Nereus. He had some great moves!

Look at him go!

I think I caught him at an odd moment. Oops. I have a knack for that.

I really love moments spent with good friends.

The ice rink is right outside of my work building. I thought this was a pretty cool picture of my office. I work way up at the top!

Please enjoy the following little videos of my grace and talent. I'm thinking about trying out for the Olympics! I'm sure there is a gold medal with my name on it.


And now you can watch Katie and Nereus perform their couples routine!

I love being here in Milwaukee. There is so much fun to be had!

a life saver

Life has been great. Christmas was fun, the snow has been lovely, the new year started off fresh, I've been enjoying the company of some good friends, I'm looking forward to some great upcoming adventures, I'm enjoying my new second job... Everything has been smooth, except for a few small details. It turns out that sometimes those "small details" aren't as minute as they seem.

The sock monster has finally conquered my drawer. The past few weeks I have been wearing mis-matched socks, or no socks at all. (Or shhh....sometimes I've warn the same socks for 3 days in a row!) I went to the liquor store the other day and I was in the checkout line and realized I had misplaced my driver's licence. That jumbled those plans! (That problem is solved, but it took a few days.) I have been having trouble sleeping lately. Even if I give myself 8-10 hours to sleep, I wake up at about 2:30 feeling restless. And the other day the numbers on my cell phone fell off and I couldn't find them. I was stressed out all day because I couldn't use my phone. Yes...all of these small details have been adding up to chaos! Chaos I tell you!!!

I have a pair of black tights that I've been wearing a lot lately. Since I've run out of black socks, the black tights are a nice alternative. They have also been a life saver on two accounts now and I'm thinking that after I retire them I may have to keep them for good luck!

1)The first life saving account was when I got that flat tire last week. It was 3 degrees outside and I was wearing jeans. That day I was trying to find some black socks but I gave up and wore the tights instead. They were excellent for a thermal layer when I was lying on the freezing pavement fixing my car.

2)And yesterday I was having a rushed morning so I pulled on those black tights and I wore a pair of black dress pants with a nice sweater. I was sitting in a department meeting yesterday and I looked down to notice a HUGE 4 inch long hole on the seam of my pants, yes...in the most inappropriate place! What the heck?!!! Thank goodness for black tights! The whole was hard to notice and I was able to make it through the rest of the day without being embarrassed.

This is the story of my life as of late.

and it went BOOM!

The other night I was driving home from work and there was an earth shattering BOOM!!! Then I watched as one of my hub caps flew across the road. Ugh! I blew a tire.
It was 10:00, dark, and freezing cold. It was 3 degrees outside to be precise.

I thought about calling a few of my guy friends. I knew they would have to come to my rescue but there was something inside of me that wanted to do it myself. Something inside me wanted to prove that I could be tough.

It took me an hour and 20 minutes. I was so cold. I got the tire off without a problem but I couldn't get my car jacked high enough to get the new tire on. I tried 3 times and then I sat down on the freezing pavement and I cried. The tears were freezing on my face and I looked down and the water in my water bottle had frozen. I decided to call my friend Kevin for some help but my cell phone was frozen. Then I realized that I looked like such a pathetic girl so I pulled myself together, gave myself a pep-talk, and I tried again. And I succeeded!

Now, I know it's just a tire change. It's not a big deal. It's not like I changed out the engine, or did a brake job or anything. But I was really proud of myself. I remember when I first started driving, my dad taught me how to change a tire, change the oil, and check the fluids. Those were the things that were important for me to know. I'm glad he did. Every other time I've had a flat, I've had someone stop to help me. But this time I was on my own, and I'm glad I was able to fix the problem.

It was so cold that night!


And just for some Monday entertainment, please enjoy this bird dance!

something worth sharing

(this is an old picture, but i love it)

My good friend Janean is living and studying in Cairo this year. Janean and I spent a few years at Northwest College together and I'm so happy to see our friendship continue even over such great distances. She has a blog, linked in my 'Blogging Friends' list on the left. It's titled Exodus to Egypt. For some great reading, some incredible stories and some laughs, you should definitely check it out.


For today, I'd like to share her latest entry titled Can You Hear?. I think it is beautiful.

Right now it is snowing so much that I can't see out the window. It is wonderful. Have a nice Friday!

what a stinker!

Dead man sends cards from ‘heaven’
Oregon man cooked up prank before his death

ASHLAND, Ore. - Even in death, Chet Fitch is a card.

Fitch, known for his sense of humor, died in October

at age 88 but gave his friends and family a start recently:

Christmas cards, 34 of them, began arriving -- written

in his hand with a return address of "Heaven."

The greeting read: "I asked Big Guy if I could sneak

back and send some cards. At first he said no; but at

my insistence he finally said, 'Oh well, what the heaven,

go ahead but don't (tarry) there.' Wish I could tell

you about things here but words cannot explain.
"Better get back as Big Guy said he stretched a

point to let me in the first time, so I had better not

press my luck. I'll probably be seeing you

(some sooner than you think).

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas. Chet Fitch"

A friend for nearly 25 years, Debbie Hansen Bernard said,

"All I could think was, 'You little stinker.'"
"It was amazing," she said. "Just so Chet, always wanting

to get the last laugh."

The mailing was a joke Fitch worked on for two decades

with his barber, Patty Dean, 57. She told the

Ashland Daily Tidings this week that he kept

updating the mailing list and giving her extra money

when postal rates went up. This fall, she said, Fitch looked

up to her from the chair.
"You must be getting tired of waiting to mail those cards," he told her.

"I think you'll probably be able to mail them this year."
He died a week later.

be kind

Arrogant people do not deserve to be successful. When you abandon kindness and gentleness, you're just a jerk. End of message.

he takes the heat

"Respect your elders!" is a rule you always hear as a child. It's a good rule I think. Last night however, I couldn't help but think that sometimes the rule should be "Respect your youngers!"

My brother has now graduated from the Fire Academy. Last night he received his badge. What an honor. This boy...okay, I guess he's kinda becoming a man...but this guy is pretty amazing. He has been working so hard, sacrificing his time, his energy, his sleep, and quite often his social life to learn a skill that is incredibly admirable. And in the end...he's learning so that he can give.

So Nick, Cheers! You did it! Keep working hard, we are all so proud of you!

little angel

This little angel was born on Friday night. Welcome to our world little one. This is the new son of my friends Kevin and Amy. Amy and I have been friends for nearly 18 years so this is a very special birth for me. It's amazing when you watch your friendships reach a new level. Life is such a miracle! I've been waiting and waiting...I'm so happy he's finally here, and healthy, and perfect.
Please welcome Oliver Richard Oelke.