it hurts

Sometimes I think of you and I remember that you are amazing.
But sometimes when I think of you I feel very very ugly.
And one of these days it will break. This hold you have on me will snap and I will fly higher than the tallest mountain and all of my dreams will come together like a beautiful patchwork quilt and I will know that I could have never done it without you. I will also know that my anger towards you will never blow away because you have shredded my soul into humiliation.
And I wish for you that your dreams will form as well. And I wish to know that you will be okay. And I wish that I never have to think of you again. And I wish that somehow all of the lack of care that I have been so bold to deny will not leave this heart empty forever. And I wish that someday I will feel lovely again. And I will, without you.