why?

It is 3:30 in the morning. I am spending the night at O'Hare airport, in transition from California to Mexico. The floor is cold cement, the rafters are making an annoying buzzing sound, and there is a woman snoring a snore that echoes. I'm not complaining, this is just the sort of adventure that happens, the kind that I don't mind allowing.

I am well prepared. I have a big beach blanket spread out on the floor for some added comfort. I'm wearing my fleece socks. I have my llama slippers if I really need them. I've got a travel pillow, a jacket made into a blanket, and my lovely iPod (Irwin is his name). It's not bad, really.

I'm reading a great book called "The River Why" by David James Duncan. The first few chapters left me bored and annoyed at the characters and the subject matter. I was disappointed. I made a commitment to read 50 pages before I decided to change books. Now I can't put it down, I don't want it to end.
Questions, deep questions are driving the main character Gus. Why am I here? What is the meaning of life? What is life? Is there a God? Does it matter? What does this possible God think of me? He is a simple fisherman, consumed by everything fishy. He is passionately self indulged. He is on top of his world...which mind you is a very narrow fish centered world. And boom! He is bombarded with these questions and these feelings and he is so consumed by them that he is kicked so deep into a depression that demands his attention. He starts to awaken to the real world around him. He notices the beauty within creation, the beauty in other people, and the clever synchronicity of his own existence with nature. He realizes that everything is connected. Maybe life's meaning is found in the water. Maybe life's meaning is found in relationship with other people. Perhaps the sky speaks more than we take the time to listen. And if there is a God, maybe his beauty is found once we allow ourselves to become beautiful.

Here I sit, sleep, turn over, bundle up, turn over, sit up...on the cold cement floor of the shuttle lobby. I can't help but welcome my surroundings. I can't help but to be aware that my life is as intricate as the world is diverse. Traveling kicks me out off of my one track mind, puts me in touch with other people, and makes my story so much bigger. Why? Where is the meaning? I'm just going to let my life keep asking those big questions.

Just a few more hours and I'll be on my way to Mexico. SO EXCITING!!!