The sun was shining beautifully when I drove to work this morning. I had Counting Crows playing on my stereo, a cup of french pressed coffee in my favorite mug, the window was rolled down, AND I didn't have to wear a jacket today. Hooray! It's almost like summer . . .almost.

I have 3 weeks of work left, just 3 weeks! I'm not really counting. I'm spending most of my time cleaning and organizing, reading through contracts, getting vaccinated, working, planning . . .it's all quite consuming. Maybe a little too consuming. I've been feeling terribly self- centered lately and that is so far away from who/what I am.

While I was on my morning break, I was looking through a Martha Stewart magazine. Can you imagine being able to build your dream home? (Maybe you have already built it.) How exciting it would be to create the perfect layout, and the perfect amount of space, the most vibrant colors on the walls, the perfect kitchen . . . I would love to create my idea of a perfect kitchen! I could get carried away with that for hours! And I think I could get so excited about the blueprints that I might forget about the bigger purpose of the house. That house would be built to hold a family. That house would become part of a neighborhood. That perfect kitchen would be serving guests for years to come.

So this made me think about my life. My life is in the blueprint stages right now. Every day I'm making decisions and plans that are bringing some of my wildest dreams into reality! I'm so privileged. But amidst all of this dreaming, I MUST NOT forget the things for which I am made. My dreams have a purpose. It's not all about me.

My life matters most when I'm helping other people. My life is the most beautiful when it is expressing love and compassion. My life is the most clever when I'm thinking of other people rather than myself. So much of who I am is defined by my friends and family. It is their support, their creativity, their challenges and their love that stirs the inspiration inside of me. Without a doubt, it is my parent's support that has enabled me to be the dreamer that I am. The result is not just that I have lots of friends and family. The result is that as I live on, I take them all with me. We are all connected. As they have invested in me, their hearts go with me. I'm not alone.
With this real truth I can't help but recognize that my biggest dreams are part of something even bigger! I must be responsible with this truth, never forgetting the purpose for which I am living. That purpose is to love people, and to be available, and to be generous, to pray, to help, to care . . .

My plans are just plans. They are exciting, yes. I'm overjoyed. But it's not all about me, it's about all of our dreams together. I want to see everyone living their dreams, not just for fun, but with purpose. I think our dreams depend on other people's dreams. Just another reason why I believe we are created for community.

Please forgive me for being self-consumed. That's not who I want to be.


Anonymous said...

Good post, April! I'm glad I was able to jump on the Ape-train while it was slowing down to pick up a few passengers at the next scheduled stop. I look forward to see where it's going! Glad to hear that your family is still a big part of your life. I'm sure you know how close my fam is, & I would never want it any other way.

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Jen said...

Oh how I will miss you. But you are right regardless of where we go we do take our loved ones with us. And our lives are bigger than just our stories, we have a bigger purpose. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.