6.28.2006

i'm attached

Dear Diary,
Sometimes I feel like my life is inevitably attached to a string. No matter which direction I dance, I am always held within a reasonable distance and clear direction of the center, the other end of the string. I'm not sure if I like this, but I feel like I have to get used to it.
What is at the other end? WHO is at the other end?
Maybe the other end of my string represents my home, or my youth. No matter where I go, or what new places become my home, maybe I will always have a clear shot's return to where I was born.
What about destiny? Where is destiny fabricated? Maybe that is what hangs on to the other end. Maybe I have a deep root that won't let go of me so as to keep me pursuing the right dreams.
Maybe it's fear. Is it fear that keeps me bound? Is the string a bad thing? Is the string more like a chain? Is it fear of not knowing what to do?
Is it love? Am I held by love? Who's love?
Is the other end where God stands? I hope not. I don't want God to be there, I need him to be closer.
Whatever it is, I feel like I can only go so far until I have to stop and refigure myself. I feel harnessed, but I feel safe. So the string has to be a good thing. Maybe.
I feel a great freedom which seems strange.
I feel like the possibilities are endless for pursuing dreams, but yet I feel connected.
My string becomes my story. My string is that piece of myself that describes me, that makes me individual. Are we all connected to strings?
I wonder.
If so, then I have a story, and you have a story, and that person over there has a story...and as we continue on in this musical drama called LIFE...and as we swerve this way, and that way, and up, and down...still connected to our strings....then aren't we creating a beautifully woven tapestry of intricate detail?
Please don't let go of your string.

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