mind the gap

Sometimes I think my feelings can stand so undefined that it's as if my soul is speaking a foreign language. This inevitably pushes me into a culture shock clashing my identity with a huge question mark. It's not a hopeless situation, but for me there's no telling what it is that will fix me. Sometimes I'm made right when I'm immersed in the miracle of creation. Sometimes I feel myself healing through community and relationship. Sometimes I read a book and tears fill my eyes and I feel like the author has read my soul for me. Frederich Buechner often does that for me, he has the gifted ability of translating the language of my life and making sense out of it. John Steinbeck did it with his book East of Eden.
Lately I'm finding myself in that curious place again. I can't quite put a finger on what I'm feeling. Am I lost? Am I lonely? Am I upset?....no these words don't seem to fit. Am I anxious? Am I tired? Am I excited? Am I depressed? Gosh, words are so limiting! So what happens when I can't define myself or my feelings? Who am I then?
2 nights ago I watched a fantastic film called "Mind the Gap". I recommend it! I won't spoil the movie for you, but I think it brought a bit of definition to my life right now.
The basic premise is that most of us have dreams that we are living towards. These dreams are vital, but it is important not to overlook the small things along the way. How will we ever achieve our big dreams in life if we can't find hope to celebrate in the little things. "Mind the Gap" is a phrase that is written on trains in the London rail system. It is meant to caution people to watch their step between the platform and the train. It's important to take notice of the gap.
I'm in a gap right now. I'm living in a huge gap. But this time is no less important than finishing college, moving to Switzerland, traveling Italy, or finding a grad program. This time right now is filled with meaning. There are answers in the gap. There are experiences in the gap. There are puzzle pieces in the gap. Sometimes it's heartbreak, or confusion, or demise...it's not to be overlooked. I really really believe that it's important to cherish all moments even when I'd rather through them into a pig pen.
I can't help but wonder how big the gap is. I can't help but feel like my step will never reach across to make the connection. But maybe...maybe that is what my soul is saying in that strange foreign language..."You may not understand, but pay attention!". Mind the gap.
Watch the movie....it's great!

No comments: