fresh air, my cat ran away, and thoughts on life without god.

Last night I decided (at 11:30 p.m.) that it was time to rearrange my bedroom. I haven't been sleeping very well. There was so much dust and stale air in my room and for some reason the placement of my bed was really bothering me. So I moved my bed next to the window, took out the air conditioner, dusted, swept, organized... and finally at about 1 a.m. I turned down the lights, lit some candles, relaxed in my freshly made bed next to the cool breeze by the window and read a few chapters of a book. I feel so rested today!

I suppose that you don't really care about the placement of my bed or how well I am sleeping, nor do you care about the dust in my bedroom, but I feel so well today that I just had to write about it.

While unloading my car last night my cat Solomon decided to venture out of the apartment. Unaware of his absense I locked up and walked down to the grocery store. When I came back home my landlord was walking down the hall carrying my cat. I was confused. I guess he was sitting at someone elses door meowing to get in. I don't know how to interpret that. Was he trying to escape and sneak into someone else's home? Or was he confused and crying at the wrong door? I'm hoping for the latter!

This isn't actually a picture of my cat. I stole this one from Google Image. But he looks a lot like my big lump of love so just pretend.

Thought for the day: I have a lot of doubts about God. I have so many unanswered questions about my faith. I am often really annoyed with Christianity, the church and the lack of coherence between life and the way I'm expected to believe. But sometimes I catch a glimpse of life without God and I shudder. Sometimes I peer into a situation where God has been excluded and I stare dumbfounded at choices that have no foundation, actions that have no meaning, and words that glitter with gaudy flattery. In those moments I feel so much more respect for a Sovereign God. I feel so much more at peace with my crumbling ideas. I feel like I can rest, and I guess I feel like I have made the right choice in honoring God.

Do you ever feel this way? What are your thoughts?

1 comment:

Tracey said...

Hey hon,
Life without God: I can't imagine. But I can tell you I've had my doubts.
Right now, as you know we are struggling with infertility. And it has been a major road block for us and it has made me angry. Angry at the world, and sometimes angry at God.
God showed up yesterday. I was stressing and freaking out about IVF thing and got a huge packet in the mail with all our forms etc. I started crying, again.
I went to an event last night and ran into someone from GRADE SCHOOL who I haven't seen in over 16 years. We started talking for a while and found out she went through IVF too at the same place we are going to. We had a great talk and it made me feel so much better. How random is that? I know God had his hand in it.
I guess I don't know what I'm trying to say. But everyone's road to faith is different. Some just do/accept, some stuggle, some go down different paths. And it's ok not to agree with churches etc. Just don't doubt God.